Big Girl Crib

Last night was her last night sleeping in the bassinet in our room. She moves down to her “big girl” crib tonight in her own room. To be honest, I think it’s going to be harder for us than for her! I know I will miss her little grunts and sighs and whimpering (who would have ever thought I would miss that!!!) and it will be hard having her so far away- downstairs. It’s not that I fear for her safety- I will just miss having her right there with us. As I was feeding her last night at 3:30 AM , I got to thinking that even that dreaded task is going to be gone soon. I will really miss that. As hard as it was getting the breastfeeding going, I can’t bear to think that it too will be phased out. She can start solids anytime. The pediatrician says to start at 5 months- does that mean when she begins her 5th month (which has already happened – she’s 19 weeks), or does it mean when she’s got 5 months under her belt and is beginning the 6th month??? I suppose it doesn’t really matter. All I know is that my tiny little baby is growing up. When she first came home she was impossibly small. My mom was here and often put her on the sofa and when I would wake from a much-needed rest that first week, I would find her there - just a tiny bundle that was not even capable of rolling off. At her smallest point, she dropped down to 5 lbs something (just under 6 lbs) and now she’s a whopping 14 lbs (in the 50th percentile, making her exactly average for her age) One day (not too far from now, I suspect), I will look back on this period and think how small and young she was!

But for now, I miss the tiny little creature she used to be. Those were the times when she would be forever stretching; arms up and out, fingers fully extended; legs jetting out and feet flexed; back stretches so fully arched that her tiny body would form a question mark shape when you picked her up. I guess those last few months in the womb were really cramped quarters. Those were the times when I would put her over my shoulder and she would be driven by some kind of silent, primal directions to migrate towards my neck and nestle there under my chin. Those were the times when she learned to trust me while changing her diaper. At first, it was an ordeal for her. In a short space of time, however, she came to understand that it was better to have a dry diaper and she began to really enjoy our time together at the changing table. In fact, I believe that the diaper/clothes changing times were really where we began to bond- this is where she first smiled at me; made her first ‘coos’ and had her first giggle.

I’ll be dreaming of these early times tonight as I camp out on the nursery floor, helping her through one of many, many ‘next’ steps.